House on the Rock

Mom,
I can’t believe this week marks one year since you went home.
I still resist the desperate urge to call you on the phone.
Except we both know I’d never actually call,
because you hated phone calls more than anything at all.
“If it can’t be texted, it can wait!” you would say.
And I turned out just like you in that way.
You wouldn’t believe how many people call me by your name.
They flinch, but I love the ways they see us as the same:
I don’t enjoy cooking or staying up late.
I never leave home without a chapstick or eight.
I wear all your sweaters; I squeeze in your shoes.
I check in on Nana every time the Colts lose.
I don’t know what parts are genetically wired
and what parts just show how much I admired
you.
I still do.

Today feels like a day we’d take a long walk outside,
Brooks on our feet while I breathlessly tried
To maintain your pace while blabbering tales
That became hallmarks of all our time on the trails.
I’d ask you the things I am dying to know —
Like what is a mucus plug? Where does it go?
What do I do if this baby won’t eat?
And when in the world am I going to sleep?

Cam decided that “Beans” would be Dad’s grandpa name,
Like our Elf on the Shelf, ‘cause they look just the same!
He’s so excited to be a grandpa, I can tell
And we all know he’s going to do it so well!
Even though our son won’t meet his Mimi on earth,
I promise he’ll hear all about you from birth.
We’ll read him Goodnight, Moon, teach him how to pray
And I’ll hope to be a mama just like you someday.

A few final thoughts before signing off tonight:
With the nearness of Jesus, we’re doing alright.
Those family dinners you started have managed to stick;
Papaw makes sure we don’t miss our timer-cam pic.
Christen is a firefighter and great EMT,
And I asked her to be in the delivery room with me.
She promised to hold my hand and keep Joe steady –
Your youngest baby has delivered a baby already!
Cam bought a house and a cute little pup –
He calls his grandparents weekly just to see what’s been up.
Riley makes sure he’s well-loved and well-fed,
And we expect that soon he’ll start making the bed

There’s just one thing I must say before I go–
Your Indiana Hoosiers are now 8-0!!!!!!
It’s been a huge year for the crimson and cream,
And I root extra hard knowing it was your favorite team.

Every day without you has felt like fifty years
And I live with a semi-constant downpour of tears.
But there is one beautiful truth that makes our spirits leaven:
We’re another day closer to hugging you in Heaven.