House on the Rock

My last post ended with the phrase, “It’s a new era of blogging, baby.” Which, I suppose, means I should do something different than I’ve done before. I don’t want to stay stuck in suffering — to have my sole identity be “the sad girl with the hard life” because of a deep and dark valley we walked from August to May.

I want my identity to be in Christ and the work He championed for me on the cross. I want it to be “the joyful believer whose God has never left her side.” I want to remember the trials that cast me headfirst to the fold of His mercy, but I don’t want to stop there. I want to recount every time He proved Himself faithful and true, to proclaim with complete confidence that God is not some cosmic puppeteer who stands aloof at the suffering of His children. He is near, and for us, and good.

Because I think this is how we really minister to sufferers. Sure, it can be helpful to read about other people’s valleys and find solidarity in the soul spills of life. But I think we only really start to emerge from the valley when we walk along the stepping stones of God’s faithfulness that lead us up, up, out of the pit.

John Flavel says that the providence of God is “like Hebrew words — it can only be read backwards.” And I’ve been hearing over and over again how a little faithfulness journal can be a surefire cure to worry, stress, bitterness, and sometimes even anxiety or depression. Mostly, it can allow us to move from saying, “you too?” about suffering to saying, “you too?” about God’s faithfulness in it.

I could write a novel about His providence over the past year and beyond. But maybe it’s best to start chronologically. I’ll work forward little by little, recounting lessons learned and the grace we got to bask in.

So here we go. Little by little: some ways He has been faithful.

1. Starting back in 2005 — my mom felt a void in her life that only a God of the universe could fill. She surrendered her heart to her Savior Jesus, asked Him to be Lord of her life, and was saved by God that day. This salvation guaranteed her an inheritance in Heaven, which meant she didn’t fear death, and we didn’t fear it for her. This salvation can be yours if you’ll surrender to Him!
2. Just a few years later, my dad felt a tug toward pastoral ministry, which led him down a beautiful path of near-expertise in Biblical counseling. My parents, together, became (somewhat literally) professionals on helping people through suffering. I can’t express how much this helped us as they counseled us through blow after blow of bad news.
3. Last April (2023), I felt a stirring to read Through the Gates of Splendor by Elisabeth Elliott. The story boldly recounts a journey to the Amazonian jungle where five young missionary couples would determinedly share the gospel of Christ. When all of the husbands on the trip were brutally murdered, God used Elliott’s words to prepare me for whatever massive storm may arise. Like I said, it was April. To consider the storm that was coming only months later makes me shudder, but I’m thankful for God’s omniscience and the timing of that book.
4. Eden Embree invited me to a Mexican restaurant to talk about…well, death. Above the roar of families singing feliz cumpleaños, she prepped me for the process of losing a parent to cancer. It was August at the time, and my mom was walking daily, feeling no pain, doing fine. I thanked her for dinner but secretly thought, “oh, this is so awkward…I’m pretty sure my mom is going to survive this.” How grateful I became for those hard-won words of wisdom.
5. We’re somewhere around our “bad-news-iversary”. Just one year out from that time when every single day brought another crushing blow of heartbreak. I see so much of God’s faithfulness in the way He surrounded us with the perfect people at the perfect time. Kelly and Terry were in the room when the doctors confirmed cancer. Jake and Taneille walked us through the dreadful DNR decision. Jeff and Amanda were right there when they said she wouldn’t walk again. And my personal favorite moment, when they sent my mom home on hospice, and Dad asked, “how am I possibly going to care for my wife on hospice?” Jenn Newell walked into the room with a confident nod. “I worked in hospice care. You’re not doing this alone.”

I could write an entire series on the Newells, and the Bannons, and the Thompsons, Lowes, Clarks, Stewarts, Downeys, Boswells, Saunders, and so on. And maybe one day I will. But for today I celebrate the faithfulness of our good God — putting people in the right place at the right time. Preparing our paths to endure suffering. Saving the soul of the woman who would get to go be with Jesus before the rest of us. After all, He is only good.

My hope is that you’d be able to create such a journal in your own life. And if you’re struggling to pinpoint providential moments through your years, start with Scripture. Immerse yourself in readings about our Savior, about whom John wrote, ^“there are also many other things that Jesus did, which, if every one of them were written down, I suppose not even the world itself could contain the books that would be written” (John 21:25).

Faithful through the ages — this is our God.